You know how it feels like when you get dumped by your love. I think most of the people know who gets dumped from the person who he loved the most. It was a painful feeling. When I say painful …it is really Painful. The way it was all perfect in your life until they come you can never get it back. you’ll get used to those stupid feelings that person gives you. It was really frustrating. It would always try to bound you up. Those memories, those sweet words you can’t just forget. Now can you?

   But you can use it as your strength, not your weakness. it is all up to you. what lesson you would take and utilize in your life.

      So yes I was in a relationship for about 4 years. Our relationship was not healthy nor it was lovable. But what makes me stay with him is his love for me and the honesty he always showed me. Of course I loved him too much to let him go just like that. But then the things that were happening in my relationship make me more and more self-conscious about myself. His jealousy never let me live in peace. His insecure mind always tried to bind me up in a small place where I started to feel suffocated. After being in a relationship with him made me a person who I never wanted. But he was happy, so I thought maybe it was alright to sacrifice to see him happy like that. It was alright to sacrifice my own happiness sometimes just for him. He will love me more right? He will stop doubting my feelings right?

 So I stopped…I stopped doing things he didn’t like. I stop wearing the clothes I like cause I loved him, I stopped meeting those persons whom he didn’t like, I even stopped making new friends cause he didn’t like it…at last, I stopped interacting with my sister too much cause of his point of view, it was too unnecessary affection.

It was my first love you know and from my childhood, I always thought I will love only one person in my whole life. So I did all these things. Maybe I was stupidly in love. Days went by and I became like a doll in his hand.

Then that day comes when his words hurt me like a slap on my face and that slap was soo powerful that made me realize what I was doing to myself. Make me realize how far I came to make him happy that I forget to love myself. I forget to feel happiness without him. I forget to interact with people. I forget how should I talk, how should I behave in public.

That day brought reality to me. I hoped he say those words a little early so maybe I did not waste my time…I did not waste my life in those years.

But still, I never understood how he could say those words…that give me a stinging pain whenever I remember his words….

‘ What did you do for me ? that I should come back to you’

  Maybe you would think that was not hurtful to hear but imagine you are doing everything you can do …just to make him stay in your life. In a hope that they would appreciate your effort, but you had to hear that in the end.

Yes, so that was his last words before he left me for his dream job in New York. I never thought I have to give up on him like this. I was broken When he left me though. thinking about giving up on my life too. 

But after 2 years I'm happy with my life. Do I forget about him? Nah it was not easy. He was still brightly alive in my memory, you can never forget a person you loved with your all. 

So I can never forget him and honestly, speaking I am not going to try to. Cause he makes me a better person. I am happy now I would always thank him for leaving me if I ever meet him. No, I will never hate him, nor I have any love remain for him ...simply I don't have anything for him. 

 


 I just hope I can love someone again cause he has just sown the seeds of fear in me. 

      THE FEAR OF FALLING IN LOVE.

                          


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